


Voice of Reason

by WandaWilson



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, But Slow Enough, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, I mean not that slow, I'll add more tags as i go, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Language, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Telepathic Bond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:33:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14774070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WandaWilson/pseuds/WandaWilson
Summary: In a universe where those who have soulmates can hear their soulmate's voice in their head before meeting them; Tony is surprised to hear a voice in the back of his mind. It's a comforting warm sound: the only problem is that the person it belongs to has no memory of who they are. And as Tony grows older, and his life becomes a whirlwind of saving the world and almost dying on a regular basis, he begins to wonder if the universe had made a mistake. Surely he wasn't meant to be with a man he's never met, and will never meet. Surely he wasn't meant to spend his whole life explaining to the man behind the husky tones in his head that they were soulmates, that they were meant to hear one another until their final breaths.





	Voice of Reason

**Author's Note:**

> This was an idea I had a while back. It's still not as polished as I'd like, but I really wanted to share this with all of you. Hopefully it makes sense and you all enjoy it. :)
> 
> Any text that is like _"this_ " is telepathic communication.
> 
> Update as of 4/12/19: I have edited chapter 1 finally and have picked up writing this fic again, so chapter 2 should be out soon!

**1974-Siberia, Russia**

 

Waking up was a painful process. The Asset could feel the cold creep through his veins and crawl out of his body at a snail’s pace. The heat was worse; too much all at once. Where there had been ice there was flame as his body adjusted to the outside world, to life beyond his cryotube. 

 

Then came the reprogramming. As if he had forgotten his purpose, forgotten that he was a puppet with strings so taught that he was lucky he could breathe on his own accord. They tortured and prodded and twisted him every which way until his mind was a blank canvas, an empty slate prepared and eager for the next assignment. 

 

His handler’s voice rang crisp, echoing along the concrete and cement of the bunker. Longing. Rusted. Seventeen. Daybreak.  _ “What do all those words mean?” _ a meek voice in the back of his mind asked, childlike in pitch and tone. Furnace. Nine. Benign. Homecoming. One. Freight Car.

 

“Are you ready to comply?” The Asset’s handler asked. When there was no response, the handler looked nervous. In all the years that the Asset had endured this tedious and torturous routine, he had never once remained unready. The handler smacked him across the face and opted to repeat the words once more. There was no interrupting child voice that time and when asked if he was ready, the Asset replied, “Ready to comply.” 

 

_ “Heeelllloooo. Are you going to answer me? I heard you,”  _ the child’s voice said, causing the Asset to frown, “ _ So I know you’re there. _ ” The Asset didn’t respond. He didn’t have time for children, nor voices he didn’t recognize. He had an assignment. He had a purpose.

 

**1974-Manhattan, New York**

 

A circuit board...He had managed to make a fully functioning circuit board. If his dad wasn’t impressed by that, Tony wasn’t sure anything would ever impress him. He beamed proudly as he looked down at his work. It wasn’t the best looking piece of equipment, but it was functional and he had somehow pumped it out in a week. Considering he was only four, that was pretty impressive (if he did say so himself, which, he totally did). 

 

It was as he was double-checking the wiring that he heard a deep masculine voice in his head say,  _ “Longing. Rusted. Seventeen. Daybreak.”  _ What the heck? He looked around the room to see if anyone else was there. No. Alone like always. 

 

_ “What do all those words mean?” _ He thought back, curious and confused. There was no reply. 

 

_ “Heeelllloooo. Are you going to answer me? I heard you,”  _ Tony asked after he heard the strange string of words again, “ _ So I know you’re there.”  _ Once again there was no reply. Tony frowned at that, a tinge of annoyance and disappointment on his face. He shrugged and continued checking over his work. He didn’t have time for weird voices; he had a father to impress. 

 

**1974-Istanbul, Turkey**

 

The shot was perfect, clean. No frags to trace back to him. It was a mission well done: quick and spotless. Yet, the Asset felt disturbed. He had been ordered to take down a weapons manufacturer hiding out in Istanbul while a scandal back in the US blew over. Simple enough. 

 

It hadn’t taken long for him to find the manufacturer and line up his shot. He hadn’t told his handler, but there had been a moment of hesitation. The target wasn’t alone; his wife and sons were with him. Family always complicated situations, but so long as they all stayed out of his shot he didn’t care about the other factors. One of the sons spoke and the Asset found himself lingering, his finger on the trigger but not pulling it. It reminded him vaguely of the voice he had heard earlier, the sweet innocence in it. He shook his head and took the shot. The horrified screams of the target’s family didn’t phase him as he packed his rifle and swiftly moved out of his position.

 

When he arrived at his overnight hideout, the Asset placed his rifle case on the ground and all but fell onto the makeshift bed he had prepared earlier that day. Silence surrounded him and the Asset sighed in frustration. When things were too quiet, his mind liked to get active, his thoughts liked to wander. There was something terrifying about being alone with his thoughts. 

 

_ “I don’t understand,” _ the child’s voice said,  _ “What did I do wrong?” _ The voice was raspy, strained, as if the boy (and it was definitely a boy’s voice) had been crying. 

 

_ “What’s wrong?” _ the Asset thought back before he could stop himself. There was a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach...concern perhaps. It was new, yet familiar, and the Asset wasn’t sure he liked it. 

 

_ “My father...I built something for him and he got upset with me for messing with his tools,”  _ the child’s voice said,  _ “He smacked me. My fault.”  _ The Asset felt a surge of distaste for the boy’s father almost instantly. He murdered and maimed without a thought; but there was no excuse for mistreating a child. His moral compass may be skewed, but he wasn’t entirely heartless. 

 

_ “What did you build?”  _ The Asset questioned as he stretched out in an effort to get comfortable (which was never easy with his metal arm). 

 

_ “A circuit board.” _ The Asset’s brown raised slightly in surprise. A circuit board? The kid sounded too young to even know what that was. 

 

_ “How old are you?” _ The child’s response of four years old had the Asset looking mildly horrified. The kid was four, built a circuit board, and his father wasn’t impressed? What the hell?

 

_ “You’re only four and you built a circuit board? That’s incredible,”  _ the Asset thought, surprised by how genuine his sentiment was. Feelings were strange and unnecessary and the fact that he was feeling so many was unusual. 

 

_ “You-you really think so?”  _

 

_ “Yes.”  _

 

_ “Thank you.”  _ The Asset could hear the smile in the boy’s voice and found himself smiling along. The hell? He was going soft. Perhaps he needed some more training. 

  
  
  


**1976-Tallinn, Estonia**

 

“You can tell your superiors that we aren’t going to transfer him into your custody. We spent too damn long trying to find him and bring him in here for him to just be taken away now,” the prison warden said, his gaze firm and expression blank. The Asset nodded once before reaching across the desk and grabbing the man by his shirt collar with his metal arm. The man’s eyes widened in fear as the Asset glared at him. 

 

“You know who I am. You know what I’m capable of,” the Asset stated, his grip tightening as his arm whirred, “Now give me him.” 

 

The warden looked as if he still wanted to argue, but at the intense dark look in the Asset’s eyes he nodded meekly then sighed in relief as the Asset let him go. He commed the guards and told them to bring the prisoner down to the front office for transfer. 

 

_ “Morons,” _ the Asset thought as the guards scrambled around him. 

 

_ “Oh, it’s you!”  _ a childlike voice said in the back of his mind. The Asset narrowed his eyes as he looked around the room for the source of the voice. 

 

_ “Who said that?”  _

 

_ “Um, I did? Don’t you remember me?”  _

 

_ “No. I don’t know any children.”  _

 

**1976-Los Angeles, California**

 

_ “No. I don’t know any children, _ ” the man’s voice said. 

 

Tony frowned at that before replying, _ “We haven’t spoken in two years, if that helps.”  _

 

_ “I don’t remember.” _

 

_ “Seriously? You don’t remember talking about my circuit board? Or my dad?”  _

 

_ “I don’t remember a lot of things.”  _

 

Tony’s frown only grew as he adjusted one of the bolts on the engine he was working on. _ “Don’t take it personally, it’s been that way for...I don’t know how long. I don’t know much of anything anymore.”  _ There was a softness, a gentility, to the man’s voice, that had Tony pausing. 

 

_ “Why is that?” _ Tony asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. He could practically hear the man scoff at the question. When there was no immediate answer, Tony turned his focus back to the V8 he was building. He just had to figure out how to get the last piece secure and it would be complete. 

 

_ “After my work is done, they put me to sleep...and when I wake they cleanse me of myself.” _ The answer came so suddenly that Tony tripped over himself and landed on his rear with a crash. 

 

_ “What?”  _ Tony asked _ , “What do you mean they cleanse you?” _

 

_ “They wipe me clean of who I am. My thoughts, my feelings, they all vanish. After this mission is complete it will happen again. It will always happen.”  _

 

_ “What if you ran away?”  _

 

_ “I don’t know for certain, but I think I have tried that in the past. They always found me. They always will find me.” _

 

_ “So when you’re done doing whatever it is you’re doing, you’re going to disappear again?” _

 

_ “Yes.”  _

 

Tony wasn’t sure why, but the knowledge that the man in his head would vanish and forget him once more made him sad. There was something about hearing his voice that was oddly comforting. He knew nothing about him and if it was true that his mind kept getting erased, he may never know anything about him. He shook his head to clear his thoughts; he was only a kid, he shouldn’t be so focused on some stranger when he had his own worries.  _ “I’m sorry,” _ was all he offered the man before falling silent again. 

 

* * *

  
The kid's voice, which slowly matured into a young man’s voice, became a welcomed presence as the years went by. The Asset seldom remembered the stranger, but there was something comforting about knowing that he was never truly alone. 

 

_ “You know, you don’t say much.” _

 

_ “You do enough talking for the both of us.” _ The Asset could hear the teen’s laughter in his head and the Asset found himself smiling...he didn’t know he  _ could _ smile.  
  


* * *

 

 

_ “So what’s your name, anyways? All this time and I don’t think you’ve ever told me.” _

 

_ “I don’t know,”  _ the Asset replied.  _ “Because of the people who wipe you?”  _

 

_ “Yes.” _

 

_ “That’s really fucked up.” _ The Asset nearly laughed. Fucked up was a vast understatement. 

 

_ “You never told me yours,” _ the Asset pointed out. 

 

_ “Anthony, but only rich businessmen and my parents call me that. You can call me Tony.” _

 

_ “Tony...It suits you.” _

 

* * *

  
  


**1987-Boston, Massachusetts**

 

_ “Tony...it suits you.” _ Tony blushed at the compliment. 

 

_ “Thanks. Can’t take full credit. Parents named me, after all,” _ Tony replied. 

 

“You got that look on your face again,” Rhodey pointed out as he entered the room, books in his hand. 

 

“What look?” Tony asked as he sat up and gave an easy grin to his roommate turned best friend. 

 

“That one that says you’re lost in your head.” 

 

“Ah. You mean my default expression.”

 

“No,” Rhodey corrected as he tossed his books down onto his bed and settled Tony with a serious expression, “It’s almost like you’re daydreaming. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was like you were talking to a soul voice or something.” 

 

“I’m sorry, a what?” 

 

“A soul voice.” 

 

“Yeah, what the hell is a soul voice?” The genuinely surprised look on Rhodey’s face had Tony feeling foolish and reminded Tony suddenly of how young he truly was. Christ he was seventeen, what did he actually know about anything? 

 

“A soul voice,” Rhodey said, knocking Tony out of his thoughts, “is, well, it’s like a voice in your head that isn’t your own. It’s the voice of your soulmate. You-you know what a soulmate is right?” 

 

“Well, yeah in theory.”

 

“Jesus Tony, did no one ever teach you about soulmates either?” 

 

“Hey now, I was more focused on other things.” 

 

“Tony, knowing about soulmates is important. Not everyone has one. Having one is, well it’s special.” 

 

“Uh huh...and how can someone tell if their soul voice is  _ actually _ a soul voice?” 

 

“Most people just  _ know _ . All the stories I’ve heard and seen about them have said that they knew because of how the voice made them  _ feel _ .” 

 

Tony thought about the strange voice he’d come to know the past thirteen years. The husky tones made him feel warm, safe, calm. Their conversations weren’t always pleasant--after all, the voice in his head was essentially a tortured hostage from what he could tell--but he always enjoyed them.  _ Always _ . His eyes widened as he thought back on what Rhodey had just said and he found himself grinning wildly. 

 

“Rhodey!” He shouted, suddenly standing and staring his friend in the eyes, “I have one!” 

 

“You what now?”

 

“I have one of those soul thingies.”

 

“A soul voice,” Rhodey supplied.

 

“Yes! A soul voice. I think I have one.”  

 

“Whoa, okay,” Rhodey said and Tony took it as a compliment that Rhodey didn’t doubt him, “For how long have you had one?” 

 

“Um, thirteen years?”

 

“Jesus Tony!” 

 

“What? Is that bad?” 

 

“No! No of course not. That’s just...That’s almost your whole life, Tony.” 

 

“Yeah, I heard his voice for the first time when I was four.” 

 

“That’s amazing, seriously. I, myself, don’t have one,” Rhodey said before smiling and nudging Tony playfully, “So tell me about this soulmate of yours.” 

 

“Well he’s older than I am, by how much I don’t know. I’m pretty sure he’s like CIA or something because he’s pretty hush-hush about a lot of shit and--shit. Rhodey. I have a soulmate. Holy shit. Holy shit!” Rhodey’s smile only grew as Tony ran his hands through his messy hair, his brown eyes wide in excitement and surprise. 

 

“This is insane!” Tony shouted with a bright smile causing Rhodey to laugh. 

 

“Yeah man, I’m getting that.” 

 

“Rhodey! I never figured I’d have anyone. I mean not with the life my father has carved out for me. I always assumed I’d end up forced to be with some senator’s daughter or some bullshit. But this, this is...just wow.” 

 

“Does mystery man know?” Rhodey asked causing Tony to pause. 

 

“I don’t think so? And if he does, I don’t really blame him for not saying something. Sort of weird to mention to a teenager or a kid that you’re soulmates.” 

 

“Maybe you should ask him?” Tony nodded in agreement before sitting back down and taking a deep breath. Right. Just ask.

 

_ “Hey, you still there?” _

 

_ “Always.” _ Tony’s heart stops for a moment at that. God this was insane. He took another breath before focusing back on the task at hand. 

 

_ “Have you ever heard of a soul voice?”  _

 

_ “A soul voice?”  _

 

_ “Um, yeah, it’s basically--” _

 

_ “--I know what it is...at least I think I do. I haven’t heard that term in years. Why do you ask?”  _ There’s something about the way the stranger says “years” that makes Tony feel incredibly sorry for him. He has no idea what the man has been through, but it has always sounded horrible. He always talked like a man who had been around for centuries and had seen too much to ever be whole again, and it broke Tony’s heart a little. 

 

_ “Well, have you ever considered, I mean it’s completely plausible, that  _ **_we’re_ ** _ , ya know?”  _

 

_ “That you’re my soul voice and we’re soulmates?”  _

 

_ “Yeah, that.”  _

 

_ “No,” _ the voice said and Tony frowned slightly. Well damn. It’s not like he asked to be the man’s soulmate. He was about to retort when the man continued to speak,  _ “I’ve never considered it because I hardly remember anything about who I am, and what I do remember I don’t like. I never imagined that the universe would be cruel enough to burden someone with me as a soulmate...I think maybe I had hoped for one when I was a younger man, but I don’t even know that for sure.” _

 

_ “Listen, _ ” Tony thought, _ “I’m not asking you to commit to being my soulmate--I mean maybe down the road we can talk about that. I’m just asking if you think it’s possible we could be.” _

 

_ “It’s possible. Tony, you have to know that there’s no future for whatever this is. They’re going to put me back under when I return to base. Who knows how long I’ll be asleep and when I wake, they’ll wipe me like they always do and you’ll be a stranger to me all over again. I know that as long as I live I’ll never be free. I’ll  _ **_always_ ** _ be just this. But you’re seventeen; you still have your whole life ahead of you...I can’t make you any promises, I won’t remember that I’ve made them. And you don’t deserve that.” _

 

_ “That sounds like a lonely life for you. After all  _ **_you_ ** _ have been through, don’t you think that you deserve something more?”  _ Tony asked, his heart aching. 

 

_ “Maybe I did once. But the man who was worth all of this disappeared a long time ago.”  _

 

Tony looked at Rhodey with the beginnings of tears in his eyes. Rhodey moved to sit beside Tony and slung an arm around his shoulders in a comforting gesture. 

 

“Everything okay?” he asked and Tony nodded slightly before replying, “Yeah. He, um, he has a memory problem. So periodically I have to basically reintroduce myself...so he is saying that it’s not fair to me to have to deal with that, that I deserve better.”

 

“I’m sorry Tony.”

 

“It’s okay. The poor guy doesn’t even know his own name. I’m not really surprised by his reaction.”

 

“Yet, you’re still crying.” 

 

Tony reached up and wiped his eyes, slightly surprised to find them wet with tears. “Yeah, I guess I am.” 

 

_ “So let’s say there is no future...would I still be able to talk to you?”  _  Tony asked the stranger as Rhodey pulled him into a hug. 

 

_ “ _ **_Always_ ** _ ,” _ the voice replied with so much genuine affection that Tony found himself smiling and choking back a laugh.   
  
  


**1991-Siberia, Russia**

 

The Asset woke to a scratchy voice in the back of his mind shouting,  _ “HOLY SHIT!” _ The Asset didn’t know who said it, but he felt a strange tingle of amusement. 

 

_ “Eloquent,” _ He replied. 

 

The voice responded almost immediately with an enthusiastic,  _ “Well if it isn’t my mystery man. Do you remember me this time?” _

 

_ “No. But your presence is familiar and not unwelcome.” _

 

_ “Well, that’s a first.” _

 

His handler wasted no time in giving him a new assignment: take out a target and take an item that was sure to be on his person. The mission had him traveling to the US and shooting out a car, making it look like an accident. He parked his motorcycle and moved to the driver side of the car, wasting no time in dragging the driver--his target--out of the vehicle. 

 

“Sergeant Barnes?” His target asked, eyes full of betrayal and shock. The Asset bashed him over the head and killed him without hesitation. He could hear the man’s wife calling for him and moved to take care of her as well. She died easily enough under the pressure of his metal fingers wrapped around her throat. 

 

All the while, as he finished his task, the voice in his head said,  _ “I should have told them I love them...but they’ve seldom been good to me...and I just couldn’t. Whatever. Not like they miss me anyways.” _

 

The next day, the Asset woke to the voice crying uncontrollably. There was a feeling of deja vu as he reached out and asked,  _ “Are you alright?”  _ There was genuine concern flooding his voice, a fact that shocked even him. 

 

_ “No,” _ the voice said, sounding broken and wrecked,  _ “My parents were found dead. Car accident.” _ The Asset felt his heart clench and he wished, for a brief moment, that he could actually  _ be there _ for this stranger.  _ “I’m sorry.” _

 

_ “Don’t be. It’s not like you crashed the car.” _

 

The Asset bit back the sudden wave of guilt plaguing his thoughts at the statement. Odd.  _ “What do you need me to do?” _

 

_ “I don’t know. Talk to me? Maybe sing me a song? You probably don’t remember, but you’re actually a decent singer.” _ The Asset didn't remember, but he found himself singing anyways and was surprised when it turned out the voice in his head had been right. 

 

_ “Thank you,” _ the voice said, sounding a little calmer,  _ “You’ve always been there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” _

 

_ “Same to you.” _

 

_ “You don’t even remember me.” _

 

_ “No. But you’re still here, and I have a feeling it’s always been that way.” _

 

_ “Well,” _ the voice said with a broken laugh, _ “here’s to us.” _

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped that made sense! Next chapter delves into the Iron Man movies, and the first avenger's movie. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Feel free to contact me on tumblr [@wandawwilson](https://wandawwilson.tumblr.com/)


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